Why Don't We Kiss Anymore?

I was sitting back observing the physical intimacy between my friend and her children. Her 3-year old daughter is very affectionate -- huggy and kissy. My friend and her daughter were rough-housing a little bit when she changed up and wanted to give her daughter a kiss. Her doting daughter leaned in to give her mother a big kiss on the lips. My friend rejected the offer and instead asked to kiss her daughter on the cheek. This, of course, displeased the little girl who said, "no mommy...on the lips!" So, they played dodgeball with each other's intent until they were rough-housing again. This scene prompted my mind to jump back about 20+ years. In my family and as a child, it was commonplace to embrace with a kiss on the lips. This was shared not only between us children and our parents, but also with extended family members. What prompted this behavior to change?

At some point in time, this expression changed. And for the life of me, I can't remember when. My kisses hello and goodbye became kisses on the cheek or not at all. And no longer did I kiss my parents good night. Who initiated this change? Did I begin to feel uncomfortable with the practice? Did my family notice my age and felt it inappropriate to continue? At what age was this? Why? What does age have to do with it? At no point point in time do I remember a conversation had or opinion expressed to me. It seems to have been an instinctual and gradual transition. Or was it?

And so, I wonder, how will it be with my own children. Will I express my endearment of them with a kiss on the lips? Yes. Until what age or circumstance will I own this practice? I don't know. I guess we'll see.

Hope for 2010

Dear Heavenly Father,

I come to You this day in preparation for the New Year.

In November 2008, You told me that 2009 was going to be fraught with major changes: changes that would affect my income, my home, my car, my family, and my friends. This became evident by the loss of my "brother," matriarchs and patriarchs in my family, the mother and the father of 2 of my closest friends, the end to a very close 10-year friendship, job loss, home transition, sickness, and countless other uncomfortable and saddening situations. Outside of my personal relationships, "we" as a people suffered the loss of countless role models: Michael Jackson, Bea Arthur, Patrick Swayze, Farrah Fawcett, Alaina Reed Hall, Brittany Murphy, Ed McMahon, Ted Kennedy, Natasha Richardson, Steve McNair, and Walter Cronkite, to name a few. This has truly been a trying year.

But, You also told me that while these “changes” would be very difficult, they were going to be necessary for Your glory and that Great things were going to abound from those trying times. From them I would find peace, happiness, and joy for staying the course.

And so Lord, as this year comes to an end, I want to say Thank You for all You’ve done: for waking me up every morning, for having a warm place to sleep every evening, for holding me when I had no idea what the next day would bring, for giving me answers when I couldn’t decipher the questions, and for comforting me when humor couldn’t cover the pain of loss anymore. I also Thank You for allowing me to see the inauguration of the United States first African-American President and family, experience the growth of an expanding Young Adult Ministry at Shiloh, helping me to build new friendships with people I needed more than I thought I would, having the opportunity to spend the holidays with family and friends, and most of all the chance to lean on You and on Your Word throughout those difficult times. I don’t know what You have in-store for 2010, but I welcome the New Year and restored hope.

Thank You once more.
In Jesus' Name I pray,
Amen


It’s funny because in the midst of this prayer, I was reminded of the Color Purple, Fantasia, and the song, "I'm Here." Sure the story is fiction, but the character Celie can represent anyone. At the end of Celie’s trials, she could still stand, saying “I believe I have inside of me everything that I need to live a bountiful life” and “thankful for each day that I’m given both the easy and the hard ones.” Truly inspirational. “I’m Here” is officially my song for 2010.

Happy Birthday, Sonya!

Today, I was reminded how much my family and friends love me.

As predicted, a minimum of 8 inches of snow fell today (it is still snowing, btw). So, at about 9am this morning, my mother and brother sat me down and told that they had to cancel my surprise birthday party scheduled for later in the evening :(

What?!!!!!

I was completely oblivious to the fact that a party was being planned right under my nose. And even though one of my many loose-lipped friends let it slip that a party was being planned, I still had no idea what was going on:

• Mom, Dad, Chris, Devin, Tiara - never letting it slip or hinting that anything was going on. You continued to let me plan my own birthday party/pajama jammy jam/potluck/game night/karaoke fun on Dec. 26th. You also cleaned the entire house, bought food and supplies, decorated, and stole my friend's phone numbers right in front of me without making me suspicious of anything.
• Leslie - planning a chocolate tour of Philadelphia for today that you insisted we need to do together: quality-time...lol.
• Nyla - for getting me to pick out my own cupcake mix and icing flavor under the premise of planning a baking session with my goddaughter: Jerk! And even though you spilled the beans a week earlier, I had no clue something would be happening today.
• Tiffany - even though you blew my phone up with a billion phone calls to see what i had planned this weekend and making sure i was still going on this "chocolate tour," you kept your planning prowess under wraps.
• Kiersten - New York City? Ha! I was ready to meet you in Manhattan. I NEVER would have guessed that you knew and were planning to be in attendance.
• Other family and friends who were bringing the mass amounts of food and whatever else (i still don't have all the details). I heard a large ice cream cake, chicken, pizzas, hoagies/samiches, trays of veggies and fruit, all A-Treat drinks, etc. were enroute. I even heard Jason was breaking from protective custody to make an appearance (lol).

I don't feel deserving of the attention or effort put in for such an event, but I am extremely thankful and grateful for those thoughtful enough to play even the smallest part both for this party and in my life.

Thank you.

Chaines Tournes

For a while, I had been engaged with a seemingly one-way conversation with the Lord about relationships and sex. There are Christian people who are in relationships for 5 and 10 years and I wondered how can you be in a relationship for so long and abstain. I thought, Lord, that's too long. I won't be able to hold out for that long. Even two years I thought would be difficult especially if you love this person, are attracted to them, and plan to marry. While in a relationship, how do you abstain from sex for an extended period of time?

One dreary day, I was driving on 395N to get to work and was daydreaming. (Note: It's not always safe to daydream while driving...lol). I was daydreaming about bowling with some people I attend Shiloh with. There was food, fun, laughter, and lights -- and yes, I had full-blown conversations with people in my daydream. While waiting for my turn to bowl, I noticed a girl about 7 years old practicing her chaines tournes (a ballet technique that is a series of quick turns on alternating feet with progression along a straight line or circle). The girl was wobbling and stumbling and not moving along a defined path. So, I decided to approach the girl and give her one of the most important and most memorable pieces of advice -- the same advice I was given while learning how to do chaines tournes. My ballet teacher told me to first envision where I want to go and then let my head guide me on that path. She said, "if you lead with your head, your body will follow."

And then...Eureka!

I came to the realization that in order to stay on a path (in this instance, abstaining from sex until marriage for any length of time), it first requires envisioning where it is you want to go/be, fixing it in your mind, and then letting your head lead -- or as God put it to me, "Get Your Mind Right." I also realized that i was in the parking lot at work and couldn't remember how I got there -- which is why daydreaming while driving is not always safe...lol.

I also want to point out how important practice is. After taking the advice on how to do chaines tournes, I didn't have any more problems doing them near perfect. Today, even though I know the technique, I'm not as strong or defined with my chaines tournes and that's because i've been out of practice. The same holds true for premarital sex. You won't be as strong and defined with your decision to stay abstinent once you get into a relationship if you live a promiscuous lifestyle while single. It takes practice.

And so even with knowing in your heart and mind what direction you want to or should take, you must get your mind right and lead with your head so that your body will follow.

Hustleman Alert!

Met a hustleman selling 15 washcloths for $3.50. He's at the corner of Georgia and Florida Ave. every day between 9 and 5. Get on that!

Forget Me? Forget Me Not?

Traveling home from work on the shuttle today, I got to thinking about the Cosby Show. There's an episode where Vanessa goes off to have "Big Fun" in Baltimore with her friends, totally blowing off the fact that their car had been stolen. Claire, especially, was very angry with Vanessa when she came home and took off screaming behind her up the stairs... if you haven't seen this episode, just go ahead and log off my blog and never return.

So, I got to thinking again and started asking myself questions: why was Claire so angry? would i be as angry? is it right/fair to be so angry? i'm sure Claire/I did something stupid at that age...why didn't Claire remember? aren't we suppose to remember what it's like to be that age so that we understand and aren't as angry? That's when the scripture from 1 Corinthians 13:11 popped into my mind and I realized that YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO FORGET!

1 Corinthians 13:11 says "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things." A child doesn't necessarily truly comprehend the associated consequences that follow their actions. Children act more on impulse and strive to achieve instant gratification. As they become older, they begin to understand that thinking through their words and actions and working to obtain total satisfaction and fulfillment are much more rewarding in the long run. Once you become a man/woman, it SHOULD be difficult to speak, understand, and/or think as a child because you have put away those childish things. If this doesn't happen, how then can you properly rear up a child?

However, some people never reach this level of understanding...the understanding of a man/woman. And so, I say to you: if your response to your child's or a young person's irresponsibility and foolishness is that of "oh i can relate to them...i KNOW how that is heh heh heh or it's ok that they are young and dumb so no need to discipline them," then maybe you have yet to put away your childish things.

Thanks, Claire.

Is Love Enough?

As Christians, we are suppose to love one another as Christ loves us. When asking God why He does so much for us (is so good to us), the answer is simple: simply because He loves us. And that love is enough. So, when it comes to relationships with one another (romantic and platonic), why do we exercise and truly believe that "love is not enough"? Do we have this all wrong?